oh

it actually scares me when i notice i have page views
so why dont i make this blog private you ask?
because i hate the idea of putting out these thoughts and them never being heard
but still
it frightens me when people are able to read what i'm puking out on to the keyboard
its strange to know someone out there that you dont even know will read your deepest thoughts

oh well ill stop bein a pussy
because YEAH

anyway
huge bio test tomorrow
im screwed
because i cant concentrate for shiiiiiiit
should i talk to my doctor?
maybe
but how do i tell my mom i need to start seeing my psychiatrist again?
hnng
maybe i can just email the doctor
and she'll give me a prescription or whatever
that i can give to my family doctor
thatd be nice i think
some adderall or SOMETHINg
because i seriously cant concentrate
am i just lazy or is there something actually wrong chemically inside my brain?
who knows

whats strange is that i actually want something just to help me concentrate. for once i am not focussing entirely on the fact that meds like that lessen people's appetite
though to be honest i really wouldnt mind that one bit

i think ill change the email that is linked with this account
im just so paranoid
not that anyone really has the email i use for this
but you know
whatever

wow i wonder if anyone actually reads these
and what if someone out there relates?
wouldnt that be so nice
just to know that theres someone out there who is as messed up as i am?

anyway i still have to finish my study notes and read 110 pages for english if i want to survive that class
and then work in 2.5 hours hooraaay